Elderly Enjoyer Of Humor Gifts

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"Why bother?"

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"How's your memory?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's my prostate.'

"It's the Florida kid."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"It's beer flavored prune juice."

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

Old Men on Rockers.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Kick me"

Proud to be a senior citizen and Just give me my damn discount T-Shirts.