Elderly Humor Fan Gifts

"Whoa! Now there goes one fine pair of kidneys!"

"Why bother?"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

You can't get what up

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

Birthday To-Do List

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

"Phew! You're ripe! What's that brown spot?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"She's definitely less plumpy."

"It's the Florida kid."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

False teeth duel.

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."

Yeah, well, when you're old, you'll get whiskers in weird places, too.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Kick me"

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

Old Men on Rockers.

How Fatherhood Affects Belt Height: Father/Grandfather/Great Grandfather.