Elderly Humor Fan Gifts

"Whoa! Now there goes one fine pair of kidneys!"

"Why bother?"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

You can't get what up

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Birthday To-Do List

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

'You are always living in the past!'

"She's definitely less plumpy."

"It's the Florida kid."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

Old Men on Rockers.

"Kick me"

False teeth duel.