Geriatric Humor Fan Gifts

"No, kids, Grandma isn't 'way older' than these trees."

"Why bother?"

Why Cows Leave Home

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

You can't get what up

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Birthday To-Do List

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

Bubbie Selfies

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

"Phew! You're ripe! What's that brown spot?"

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

'You are always living in the past!'

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

"She's definitely less plumpy."

"It's the Florida kid."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"Kick me"

False teeth duel.

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."

'Your diary? How come you didn't just blog it way back then?'

Old fly...retirement home.

Bah, when I was your age, I had to walk five miles through the snow just to ... to ... Well, just to walk five miles through the snow, I guess.

Old Men on Rockers.

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'