Aging Gracefully Enthusiast Gifts

The four stages of male hair loss.

'When I say 'crumbling infrastructure' I'm not referring to our highways and bridges.'

'Before this arthritis hit me, I was a top-of-the-line pickpocket. Now I can only steal from penny loafers.'

'As a practioner of complimentary medicine, I must say you are marvellous for your age.'

"Darlin', looks like you've reached the stage in life where you should pluck the black ones and leave the white."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"Give it to me straight, Doc. It's my infrastructure, isn't it?"

Middle Age: When your age starts showing around

"I'm not afraid of death - I just don't want to be there when it happens..."

'Will I outgrow my hair like you when I grow up?'

"You have the wrinkles of a woman half your age."

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

Getting older is . . . When you start getting hair in more places that you don't want it, and losing it where you do.

'You're right, Colonel, your hair is retreating.'

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'

"Let's face it...we're not getting any younger."

'I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound like I used to.'

Maybe it's time to lighten on that stuff...

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

Like a fine wine, some me improve with age.

"There's a factory recall on your hip and hairline."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"I always look so old in these photos."

Aging Problems

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Multi-Generational Books

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."