Aging Gracefully Humor Pillows

"There ain't enough room in this here town for two arthritics, stranger..."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Why bother?"

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Parts Department

Aging Problems

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I come from the future."

"You're right, they are statins."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Miriam keeps me young."