Senior Living Humorist Pillows

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

Zimmer parking at the Darby and Joan Club

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Toothless Meal

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Did someone say something?'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.