Senior Living Humor Pillows

'Ma lost her car keys!. . . When was the last time you saw your keys, Ma.'

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old man has a walking stick case.

'Did someone say something?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Life begins at 60