Humorous Senior Pillows

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"So you admit to flashing your new teeth at pretty ladies?"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Man about lady in rocking chair with roll bars: 'Never too old to rock and roll.'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Did someone say something?'

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"