Senior Living Comedian Gifts

Old Man Boot Camp: 'Hoist those trousers up higher! Unzip that fly and get some soup stains on that cardigan...'

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Toothless Meal

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."