Senior Comedian Gifts

Toothless Meal

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

A senior moment.

James Bond: Senior Years.

David Blaine, Age 60

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Did someone say something?'

Old man has a walking stick case.