Senior Humorists Gifts

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'Can we afford to get up?'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Toothless Meal

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."