Senior Humor Connoisseur Gifts

"Who's he trying to impress? Silly ass!"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"He's a guard dog."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Take me to you lieder.'

Knickerless Cage.

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Toothless Meal

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

"That damn dog's scratching again!"

'It's clear that we need Haitian refugees in America to do jobs Americans aren't willing to do... Like voting Democratic!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."