Senior Comedian Pillows

Toothless Meal

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old man has a walking stick case.

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Did someone say something?'