Senior Citizen Jokesters Gifts

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Old Geezers Erupting Every Hour on the Hour.

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

At the Old Bikers' Home

"You look amazing Dad. Has Mrs Arnold been ironing your face again?"

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

"I'm not ready for a big commitment. Could I just pal around with a sidewalk a little?"

Old People Whisperer

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

'There's a gastroenterologist in my closet.'

'Wanna come out and play?'

'I've been having an affair with Tiger Woods.'

'I saw a Rascal Scooter crash into a Hoveround. It all happened so slow.'

'The bottom of the garden's starting to look like a jungle again Brian.'

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

Hey! I just figured out what I want to do with my life!

'It must have been the fork in the road.'

The day Young MacDonald officially Became Old MacDonald

'...Vote for me twice, shame on YOU!'

"Do you have a minute to talk about your retirement years?"

'The worst thing about getting old is having to your childrens' advice.'

'It's for my legs. They keep falling asleep.'