Civic Jokesters Gifts

'...Vote for me twice, shame on YOU!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Ah Democracy - Just Like Home

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Robot porn.