Civic Comedian Gifts

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

Just duty excuses.

Recycling: Plastic, Tin, Campaign Promises.

"We were going to adopt a highway, but Rachel thought there would be less red tape if we adopted an overpass."

"Great job dealing with all those mail-in ballots. Seriously, top notch."

"The paper's running horoscopes geared to residents of our city. Here's Leo: 'You'll be frustrated by local politics, delayed by road construction, and pay too much in taxes.'"

Hello, this is Bernie Sanders. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I know. That's why I'm calling you. I want to thank you for being such a big supporter, going to my rallies, donating all that money

Actually, I never understood these televised sessions until the cable company started scrambling their signal.

Tax the Poor

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

Campaign Headquarters: For a $500 contribution, the candidate will shake your hand ans sustain eye contact with you for five seconds.

Trump in Washington

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Ah Democracy - Just Like Home

Entering Washington, DC. Today's Polticial Atmosphere is TOXIC.

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

'You know, if we play it right, campaign finance reform could be pretty lucrative.'

Conflicted Chief

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"Russia is run by rich oligarchs. America is run by rich insurance companies."

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'