Civic Humor Fan Gifts

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

A Golden Non-Retriever

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"Sire, they also want dental."

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

Ah Democracy - Just Like Home

Of Course, we can't expect things to be as good as they have been up to now

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

'There'll be a small tax hike -- I need to build a warehouse to store the budget surplus.'

Supremacist Court

Just Figureheads.

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

Victory speech.

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

"Now, should we add something at the end about how wise we are and therefore nothing in here should ever be changed?"

'And if you want to investigate alternative courses of treatment, you're entitled to consult your pollster.'

"We were thinking, since your head speechwriter understands the issues better than you do, speaks better than you do, is smarter and better-looking than you.."