Civic Jokesters Pillows

'...Vote for me twice, shame on YOU!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Ah Democracy - Just Like Home

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.