Senior Jokester Gifts

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Leaving cards.

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'Tender and Juicy.'

"Why is there a picture of an old man in the bathroom?"

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

Husband's sudden interest in Aquafit is all because of the sexy instructor.

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

Senior Chat Rooms.

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

"Attention, shoppers!! We have a senior lost in the produce section!. . ."

A child offers an old man adult diapers in the grocery store.

Politics Books

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

"An olive or a twist?"

Summer Reading