Senior Jokers Gifts

Hey! I just figured out what I want to do with my life!

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Photobooth Photobomb

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Toothless Meal

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Life begins at 60

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"Why is there a picture of an old man in the bathroom?"

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

"How's your memory?"

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

Husband's sudden interest in Aquafit is all because of the sexy instructor.