Professional Jokers Gifts

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

Photobooth Photobomb

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Artist Painting his Television.

'That's what I said,dear-your dinner's in the chippie..'

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

"Kayakers Fred! Let's surface next to them and check the look on their faces!"

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

How electric eels "welcome" door-to-door salesmen

The Gardener's Calendar: If your fish pool is covered with ice...make a hole in it.

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"We need someone who's responsible."

Watch for Men Being Supid

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

How to avoid a heart attack.

"I took your advice."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

'Nope! Wrong again! Let's try it again... around and around... now which cup is your nitroglycerin tablet under?'