Career Jokesters Gifts

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

He likes to make work fun

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'Are you free at the moment?'

Waste Management.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"