Career Jokester Gifts

"So where do you see yourself in five months?"

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

'Look at this advert. It looks exactly like my job.'

'You state on your resume that you want to work very little, but get paid a lot. I do appreciate your honesty.'

'I'm in hunting and gathering. And you?'

'Choose rich parents.'

"We need someone who's responsible."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

He likes to make work fun

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

Waste Management.

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'How are you at takeovers?'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

Cleaning the Horse

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.