Business Professional Jokester Gifts

'I suppose you think you're sitting there imagining me in the nude.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Any questions?"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'