Business Jokesters Gifts

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Imagine if it was this simple to upgrade our staff.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'Well, I was looking for a yes-man, but I guess a toady will do just as well.'

"Read the part when I invented micro management."

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'