Finance Jokesters Gifts

'Would you like the correct time and temperature with your transaction?'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

"The problem with you one percenters is that you don't understand the struggles of us two percenters."

"Your financial situation would improve if you didn't keep wasting your money on nonsense like fortune tellers."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Money Bar.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

White Collar Crime.

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.