Banking And Finance Jokester Gifts

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

I can't believe It!

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

Secret Identity Theft.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

Luck of the IRS.

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"