Finance Joke Lover Gifts

"Intraday I was really drunk."

"Your unpaid bill is giving me a pain."

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Funeral service for the economy.

I can't believe It!

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

"At least we're consistent ... "

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

The Decline of the Euro.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"