Finance Humor Lovers Gifts

"Congratulations, Mr. Pettifer - you've got through to the second round..."

Got Customers?

Pretty soon it'll be spring, when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. I wonder if it's possible to get a bank loan to refinance my fancy. !

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

Out of control

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'