Finance Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"When examining these new contracts, gentlemen, please note that in Paragraph 48 the word 'golden' has been replaced by 'plywood' and 'parachute' is now 'toboggan.'"

'Collateral? Sure, I've got collateral. How about a boatload of misery, a house of pain and a suitcase full 'o the blues?'

"Relax, you only missed one payment. Don't beat yourself up. That's my job."

'Why not consolidate your existing debts into one monthly repayment?'

"What triggered the audit? On your facebook page, you said you were a person of 'untold wealth'."

'We've gone green! All our foreclosure notices will now be printed on recycled bad loans.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'Here, we got back to basics... Money!'

Looking for a Angel Investor

'Dad, due to the U.S. credit downgrade, mediocrity is back in style.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

Jane Undergoes Plastic Surgery.

'Usury' is not a pretty word, Mr. Williams.

Bank Robbery - The CEOs took the money a long time ago.

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

'This rebate check isn't big enough for both of us.'

'Calling this a financial summit meeting is making a mountain out of a molehill,'

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

"When I was a youngster I wanted to be a Rock God but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong."

Euro Peein'

"Insider trading is so last century, I prefer exclusive networking opportunities."

'The bank sent good news. Our home is under water.'

'You're at the dangerous age, Mr Frubman. Have you considered buying some 'dangerous stocks'?'

'Income tax prepared here!'

"I had heard that this bank had severe penalties for making an early withdrawal..."

"At least we're consistent ... "

"First I need your account number, and then the name and location of your offshore bank."

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

Once the fire was out, this bank was definitely going to be audited.

'When did they start printing money of RICE PAPER?'

Who's taken the third quarter?

Ace Loans...Now topless: 'Interest rates must be going up again.'

'Can you do a proven track record for the company?'

"That stock needs to show more interest before I can show it more interest."

'Stock Market Investment Advice. Don't.'