Financial Humor Lover Gifts

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

Open a new account and receive a foreclosed house.

I'd Rather Have The Short Tax Form.

'But if money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?'

"I feel a recession coming."

'The dollar held its value today against the yen, the euro, the peso, the comic book and the baseball card.'

'Don't worry, I always land on my feet.'

Bad end-of-year figures

The accountant's visit

'The energy company are replacing our old letterbox for a more efficient one.'

'I'm glad you came in. You're behind on your getaway car payments.'

'Can he call you back? He's viewing his favourite internet site.'

'Of course you lost money. The pharmaceuticals you invested in are all placebos.'

Modern Art - 'Bull' graph going up / 'Bear' graph going down

US economy health.

Delusions of Retirement.

'Psst! Would you like an expert to fudge your income tax returns?'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

Federal Guidelines

'Hey, I'm not asking for a 'handout'. A 'stipend' or 'honorarium' would be just fine.'

Bear market. The demise of the bull market.

'This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, but this little piggy lost a bundle in emerging markets...'

'On Wall Street today, ther was good news if you're a masochist.'

'The S.E.C warns that irrational exuberance, if left untreated can lead to bi polar mood changes.'

"Lunch is up 35p today in keeping with the FT index."

'We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to rub some more money on it and see what happens.'

'Maybe you should take in a partner. That's the third client to take your sign literally this week.'

'Your account was inactive for over 30 days, sir, so we bought donuts with it.'

'According to Government budget figures, 'Tax Freedom Day' this year will take place on February 11th of next year.'

'Let me explain it this way: our 'Nouveau Riche' fund has been renamed the 'Nouveau Poor' fund.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Bank window questions the legitimacy of the government backing of deposits.

"Oh, we're actively involved in hiring the disabled. For example, Don here is our new head of internal auditing."