Financial Jokes Lover Gifts

'Poor old Stanley. He was only 3 months away from paying off his student loan.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

In case of falling markets break glass.

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Federal Guidelines

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

Budget Cuts

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"