Finance Jokers Gifts

'We've restructured our banking charges.'

What am I doing? Oh just a little TBC. You know, Taking Care of Bailout.

"If you're worried about your retirement account, Ms. Mulvany, just read the crawl."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Why markets crash.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

"Are you sure you haven't overvalued the worth of your business?"

'Wait a minute....!

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

Footing The Bill

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

I can't believe It!

'Can you check my balance.'

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'