Finance Jokers Pillows

'We've restructured our banking charges.'

What am I doing? Oh just a little TBC. You know, Taking Care of Bailout.

"If you're worried about your retirement account, Ms. Mulvany, just read the crawl."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Why markets crash.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Wait a minute....!

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

Footing The Bill

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

I can't believe It!

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

'Can you check my balance.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'Give it to me straight, Doc - just how long-term should my long-term investments be?'

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'