Investment Jokers Pillows

'Yes...our chief analyst is recommending further investments in the new year.'

'The only way you can become a millionaire by investing in savings accounts, is to invest millions in savings accounts.'

"If I won a million dollars, I'd invest it."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

The stock market sky is falling.

Money mangagement see-saw.

"You're on mute."

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

"Tell me more about Armageddon. I think it may have potential as an exchange-traded fund."

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'I have to warn you that hills may go up as well as down.'

"I decided to invest in precious metals - I bought a new car."

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'