Finance Jokesters Pillows

'Would you like the correct time and temperature with your transaction?'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

"The problem with you one percenters is that you don't understand the struggles of us two percenters."

"Your financial situation would improve if you didn't keep wasting your money on nonsense like fortune tellers."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Will work for ETFs

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'