Economic Jokesters Pillows

'The apple, a perfect fruit, crunchy, fits in your your hand, keeps the doctor away, but can it cure the economy? By George, I'm gonna find out! Wanna bite?'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

Trickledown economics

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Office of economic forecasting.

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'We buy and sell them.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

Foreclosed

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

Government Handouts.

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

Luck of the IRS.