Economy Jokesters Pillows

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Foreclosed

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

Luck of the IRS.

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"The most important feature of economic predictions is trying not to laugh while making them."

"I decided to invest in precious metals - I bought a new car."

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

'This is Harold. Harold is part of our company's jobless recovery.'

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

'If we wait here long enough will we see the hedge funds fly south for the winter?'

'It's from my stockbroker - he'd like to join us.'

"No need to call me 'boss' and no need to go to work anymore, Johnson. Didn't you read the memo?"

'In this economy, money is the lure.'

"Pearson is known for his austere monetary views."