Financial Jokesters Pillows

When Financial Planners Go To Prison.

"This time, don’t trip on his toys — just grab the piggy bank and get out."

"On the other hand, given your risk tolerance, you might prefer our Post-Apocalyptic Plan."

'The trouble is, my wife laughs all the way from the bank.'

'I wish I had my money back...'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

The Euro - R.I.P.

White Collar Crime.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"The margin of error is plus or minus one hundred percent."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'