Banking Jokesters Pillows

'We can lend you the money for a new house. But how will you repay it?'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Secret Identity Theft.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Luck of the IRS.

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'