Banking Humor Pillows

'Too late. The government beat you to it.'

Please enter your wallet.

Ask About Our Attractive Deposit Rates

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

Harvest Data Festival

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"