Banking Jokes Pillows

Man in the bank at deposits queue: 'Could I please go ahead of you? My wife's on her way to the mall!'

"Is this the First State Bank? I need a loan...about $1 million."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Harvest Data Festival

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

PANIC!

"Hands up!"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

'I need a loan for a bypass. To bypass my wife. She holds the purse strings.'