Banking Jokes Prints

Man in the bank at deposits queue: 'Could I please go ahead of you? My wife's on her way to the mall!'

"Is this the First State Bank? I need a loan...about $1 million."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

Secret Identity Theft.

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Harvest Data Festival

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

PANIC!

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"Hands up!"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"