Financial Jokester Pillows

'Hunting and gathering isn't very profitable. Let's invent IPO's.'

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"I'll put it to you this way: you have 3 months to max-out all your credit cards."

'Can I see someone about a loan?. . . Okay, I'll see Tonto then.'

Lone Ranger, 'Dad it's the loan shark ranger'

'Your account is sixteen pounds seventy eight pence in credit, do you have any plans for the money?!!'

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

IRS Bloodsuckers.

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"We don't have a company slush fund. We barely have a Slurpee fund."

"I guess being an angel investor doesn't count."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

The Euro - R.I.P.