Financial Joke Lover Pillows

"I checked your credit score... the best I can do for you today is this can of New Car Smell."

"This bank is here to help seniors. How much is your bus fare home?"

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

Federal Guidelines

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Budget Cuts

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!