Financially Savvy Joke Lover Pillows

"I was going to text you that you'v lost all your retirement savings, but there isn't an emoji for that."

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

In case of falling markets break glass.

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

Federal Guidelines

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

Budget Cuts

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"