Financial Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

Heeeres Alistair (Darling).

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Loan Alley

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Jumping Wall Street.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

Out of control

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

The Euro - R.I.P.

White Collar Crime.