Financial Humor Aficionado Pillows

'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

"We need a little more collateral than, 'cross my heart and wish to die.'"

"This chart will simplify our market projections."

'Cold weather doesn't bother me - I just think about April 15th and start to sweat.'

"I like the way these numbers look. Good font choice, Higgins."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"Could you folks come back tomorrow?—the muse just isn't with me today."

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

'If money doesn't grown on trees why do banks have so many branches?'

"This bank is quite tough towards customers who can't pay their loans!"

Very frivolous. Do you know the penalty for being frivolous?

'I'm afraid you're living on borrowed time, but don't worry - I can lend you some more at a very competitive rate of interest...'

"Oh, not much...just laundering the bank's money."

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

"That's my application to join the undead - the cost of living is killing me!"

"It was just a correction..."

"We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate."

"I'm afraid you're overdrawn."

"The pound fell again today to a new low against the kilo."

"Speculators found it was a bear market so they decided to hibernate."

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Sorry, I don't see anything about cattle futures.'

"Such a big animal, I wonder what's on his mind."

'You're not old enough to borrow money, and even if you were, your imaginary playmate couldn't co-sign for you.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

''Tax Loopholes for the Rich and Famous' was filmed before a live audience of IRS auditors.'

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

'Help! Never found that one great self-help investment book to turn my life around."

'It's the three pigs - they've just bought the mortgage on our house.'

''Insufficient funds'? -- you women are all alike!'

'Sir, may I remind you, that you are

Downgraded credit rating.

National Bank: No riding off into the sunset until your loan is paid.

"I've hidden my nuts in an offshore forest."