Financial Humor Buff Pillows

'Sorry, we don't give loans for divorces.'

Medical Insurance Co. You can't afford full-body coverage … Here's the a la carte list.

"This is the electric company. You're behind on your bill. Pay us now or we'll shut off your power."

'Psst! Can you loan me a few bucks?'

'Got any advice?' - 'Yes, stand up straight, you're slouching.'

Have Your Cards Read Here

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.