Lover Of Financial Humor Pillows

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Joey, I'm taking you out of tobacco company stocks, and putting you into medical marijuana futures.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Money Bar.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Jumping Wall Street.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

Out of control

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

White Collar Crime.

The Euro - R.I.P.